There will always be some things in life that are beyond your control. When that happens, how do you deal with it?
Knowing the difference between things you can control and things you can’t is an important task. One of the most important, in fact. And yet, even if you successfully determine which things are controllable, some things will always elude you.
For example, no matter how hard you try, you can’t change the weather. Some days will be sunny; others rainy. If you live far enough north (or south) there will be snow and ice at some point.
Of course, while it is not possible to manipulate the weather, it is possible to do something about it. You can follow forecasts closely, and dress appropriately for the type of weather predicted. Then you won’t be caught without your umbrella, or sunglasses, or heavy jacket.
What are some other examples of phenomena that are beyond your control? And for those examples, what can you do to lessen the disruption that might occur?
Or maybe you believe that there is nothing that we can’t control if we just try hard (or smart) enough. To use our earlier example, there are plenty of historical examples of rain dances, praying to your god or gods for rain, or planes seeding clouds with crystals. We certainly have evidence of human behavior impacting the planet’s climate.
So how do you deal? Hope for the best but prepare for the worst? Ignore it and hope it goes away? Learn everything you can and try to make change, even when it seems impossible or unlikely?
Related questions: What can you control? How do you deal with uncertainty? What should you let go of? How is climate change impacting you?
As the context for this question makes clear, some things are beyond our control. Trying to change those things rather than adjusting or accommodating your plans or life to the situation wastes time and effort. Thus, we take time away from focusing on things within our circle of control. Of course, in wasting time and effort, we also become more reactive and frustrated. This can take an emotional toll and discourage us from taking action; perhaps we stop trying to impact things within our circle of control.
For things far beyond our circle of control, it’s best to accept the situation, adjust and accommodate, and then go on with our lives.
That said, there are some things that are just beyond our influence, just outside our circle of control. In those situations, it may be helpful to ask, “Can I do something to expand my circle of influence?” For example, can we ask a person we have contact with to help us address the situation? Or should we try to form new, helpful connections and expand our circle of influence? Perhaps with some well-spent effort, we can increase our power and transform the situation.
Let’s get practical. I try to make it a weekly practice to contact my elected officials in Washington, D.C., to ask them to take action on things I am concerned about but beyond my control. I may not be able to influence negotiations to secure federal funding for food assistance and W.I.C. payments to help ensure children are fed adequately. But my congresspeople may have influence. So I reach out to them, clearly express my concerns, and ask them to take action. If others are doing the same thing — which many people are — we may be able to help prioritize this issue while working to resolve the government shutdown. Of course, I can also ask my friends and colleagues to join me in taking this action, which I have done.
On personal matters, expanding our circle of control often requires learning new things. For example, I am trying to reduce my struggles with anxiety. I am currently doing two things to improve my situation. First, sometimes my anxiety levels rise when I need to do public speaking. To address the situation, I am reading a book on how other professionals get their points across succinctly and convincingly. Hopefully, in following the advice of the book, I can practice the techniques in private, in small groups, and then in the situations that raise my anxiety levels. In doing so, I hope to expose myself to uncomfortable situations, do better than I expected, and increase my confidence. Secondly, as another anti-anxiety practice, when you are in the grip of anxiety, I have learned that in naming what you’re feeling, you can reduce your anxiety levels. Again, I’ve purchased a book that names many emotions, and when you experience them. The purpose, of course, is to truly know the feelings I am experiencing, name them more accurately, and reflect on how I can control my emotions rather than let them control me.