A thoughtful, meaningful conversation is remarkably fulfilling. What are the traits that contribute to a great verbal exchange?
In some ways, we evolved in order to communicate. Our voice is capable of an incredible range of sounds that we have turned into speech. Our brains then became larger so that we could store our spoken, and then eventually written, languages.
In addition, living in groups no doubt made our ancestors safer and more effective in tasks. Coordinating members of the group would have been necessary for success in hunting and gathering. A spoken language also meant knowledge could be passed not only between individuals, but from generation to generation as well.
So speech is central to the very nature of who we are as a species. It is no wonder, then, why conversation is so enjoyable. A good conversation between individuals or within a group is unlike anything else in our experience. It can be funny, thought-provoking, and even challenging, and can make time seem to fly by in an instant.
In fact, it is so important that you sometimes hear it discussed in ways you don’t expect. An artist, for instance, might describe the art they produce as a conversation with the viewer. Theater actors or comedians have been known to talk about carrying on a conversation with their audience.
What makes a conversation good? And what separates a good one from a great one? What are the things that the very best conversationalists do to be successful? How does it seem to flow, seemingly effortlessly, from one speaker to the next? What do you do to try and engage with someone else?
Related questions: How can we encourage meaningful conversation? Is there a conversation you’ll never forget? How can we become better listeners? What makes a good question?
A meaningful conversation is a subset of a good one. A good discussion ensures each participant has roughly equal time to speak if they wish. While conversations can involve many people, research suggests that in a one-on-one chat, you should aim to listen a bit more than you speak. A good conversation should engage all participants. Engagement can mean different things: some may be experts on the issue, others may be very curious and ask many questions, while some can serve as constructive devil’s advocates. Everyone wants to be present. No one should feel left out. No one should feel they need to use specialized language, such as jargon or acronyms, to participate.
For a discussion to be truly meaningful, it must have purpose. Usually, that means sharing useful content, and sometimes new or surprising content. It often involves ideas that stimulate participants intellectually and emotionally. As the conversation comes to an end, participants should feel that their time was well spent.