Disappointment is something that we all have in common. The way we deal with it, though, can vary drastically.
When something disappoints you, it is only natural to be sad. You expected one outcome, and it didn’t happen. How else should you feel?
It depends on the situation, of course. Another common emotion that you might feel is anger. You might be mad at the universe, or at someone specific, or even at yourself. Who feels the brunt of your anger is difficult to predict.
You might also feel confused, depending on your level of certainty prior to the disappointment. How could such a thing happen?
One thing these emotions have in common is that they are negative emotions. It is rare indeed that being disappointed leads to happiness, or contentment, or joy of any kind.
The resulting actions, though, can be positive or negative. Sadness might lead to depression, or it might lead to empathy for others dealing with similar situations. A violent outburst might result from anger, but it might strengthen your resolve. Confusion could cause you to give up; alternately confusion could trigger curiosity.
How do you deal with disappointment? Has that changed over the years? How is it different when you are the one experiencing it, versus helping someone else who has been disappointed?
Related questions: How can we turn sadness into constructive action? What is the right amount of emotion? When is it useful to fail?
Unfortunately, disappointment tends to stir up more than just sadness for me—it often brings confusion and self-doubt. I find myself wondering what I did that caused someone to react the way they did. Sometimes that question is fair; there are moments when I should ask the person directly what went wrong and reflect on my own role.
But as Rebecca often reminds me, people’s actions usually say more about what they’re dealing with than about you. With that in mind, it can be helpful to get to the root of the situation by asking what led them to act the way they did. If an apology or some form of accountability is appropriate, then it’s important to offer it. But if their behavior ultimately had little to do with you, having that conversation can still bring clarity—and keep the experience from becoming something you quietly stew over.