If you rank your normal level of happiness on a scale of 1 to 10, can you increase that number? Can you change your default happiness?
If you think about the people you know, you can probably divide them into the camp of “happy people” or “unhappy people”. That is, people who naturally tend to be happy, regardless of what is going on around them. Or those who seem grumpy as a default setting.
Sure, everybody goes through roller-coasters of emotion, when good things or bad things happen. And of course, the mood someone has on any particular day is subject to events in their life. However, there are some people that seem to naturally have a smile, while others naturally have a scowl.
And you might even feel this way about yourself. You might think that life is good, or you might feel like you can never catch a break. And, of course, how you feel about yourself may or may not match up with how others see you.
So then the question becomes: can this aspect of your personality change? If life always gets you down, can you exercise some sort of emotional muscle to improve the amount of happiness you experience? If one bad thing after another happens, can a naturally cheerful person become a grump?
If change is possible, then what can we do to make that change happen for the better? What can we do in our everyday life to increase how happy we tend to be?
Related questions: Is happiness the most important purpose in life? Why do we put up with unhappiness? How does technology influence your emotions? What is the right amount of emotion?
There’s a line in the song “I See a Darkness” by Bonnie “Prince” Billy: “And pull the smiles inside.” It captures a kind of sadness I recognize well. Outwardly—and in practice—I am a hopeful person. But hope doesn’t always translate into happiness. What I believe is possible in the world doesn’t always align with what I believe about myself.
I do think people have a kind of baseline for happiness. Mine often hovers closer to self-doubt, insecurity, and a quiet sadness side of the scale.
At the same time, I believe we can influence our circumstances in ways that invite more happiness than we might naturally feel. I’m not sure we change the baseline itself, but we can build habits that generate moments of genuine positivity. So I try: I work out in the mornings—one reliable boost. I make a point to call out what I admire in others—another small way to create light. I keep a collection of photos I love and return to them when I can, hoping to stir something warm.
But habits are fragile. I don’t always work out. Remote work thins out the everyday opportunities for connection and spontaneous encouragement. And, too often, I forget to turn to those small sources of comfort when I need them most. It’s discouraging. Still, I try to remind myself that it’s something meaningful to have practices that I know can help.
Just yesterday, I started reading “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky. I’ve only just begun, but even from the outset, her premise stands out: that as much as 40% of our happiness may be within our control. I suspect much of that margin lives in the habits we build. I want to understand those habits better—and, more importantly, to make them simple and sustainable enough to carry into everyday life.
I don’t want to have to keep thinking of pulling the smiles inward. I want it to be automatic. I want ease. I want that brightness to feel less like effort and more like a default. And maybe, with time and practice, that’s something that can shift.