This question comes to us from the TV show Ted Lasso. In the context of the show, it is a strategy in football (soccer), but like many lessons from the show, it is applicable in every part of life.
When a situation develops and you find yourself struggling to take action, this presents a simple plan for handling it. Take a step back and think: what is needed at this moment in time? What is lacking that I can provide? What would make things better?
A key part of this advice is to just stop for a moment to assess. Oftentimes, particularly in a crisis, it feels like there is no time to think, only to act. In reality, though, the right action is much more effective than the wrong action, and taking a pause to consider may be the most important thing you can do.
Also important is determining the proper course of action. If the right action is significantly better than the wrong one, how can we determine what is right? How can we evaluate all the actions we might take to determine the optimal one?
This philosophy suggests thinking about what is missing. This can be challenging because every situation is different. And while at times what is missing is obvious, in others it can be hidden.
Maybe what is missing is communication — two people are both trying to achieve the same goal, but are going about it differently and aren’t working together. Or maybe there aren’t enough helping hands, so you might need to recruit some people to help out. Sometimes you just need some financial resources to add to the mix.
Of course, even if you can identify what is lacking, it’s not always possible to supply it. It is just important to recognize that, however, and look for other ways to address the lack. If you can’t provide what is missing, maybe you can provide someone else who can.
All of this relies on situational awareness and analysis. Being able to accurately figure out what is going on, determining why things are happening, and theorizing how things could be different with different actions taken is important. That takes practice.
Chances are there are areas in your life that could benefit from this way of thinking right now. Can you think of any? How can you test out this approach?
Related questions: How do you need help? How do you define success? When have you made good from a bad situation?
I’m currently reading The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky because I want to become a happier person. For some time, I’ve suspected that my baseline level of happiness sits below average. Part of that, it seems, is beyond my control. Research suggests that roughly half of our happiness is shaped by genetics—an internal set point that’s difficult to change.
Circumstances, on the other hand, play a surprisingly small role. They account for only about 10% of overall happiness, and in my case, they’re not the issue. My life is, by most reasonable standards, good: I have a strong marriage, and I’m not struggling for resources.
So, what does this situation need?
Lyubomirsky’s answer is intentional activity—deliberate practices that address the sources of my unhappiness, fit my strengths, and fit with my lifestyle. Not every strategy works equally well for everyone, which is why she emphasizes finding the right match.
To that end, I completed the Person–Activity Fit Diagnostic in her book. The results were clarifying. The strategies most suited to me are: engaging more deeply in absorbing activities, cultivating optimism, expressing gratitude, and practicing acts of kindness.
Much of the rest of the book offers specific ways to apply these strategies. While there are twelve in total, my focus will be on the four that best fit who I am. The others may be effective in general, but they’re less likely to stick for me—and consistency, more than anything, seems to be the point.
Good article.