When we make a mistake or wrong someone, ideally we should apologize. Sometimes we don’t. Have you apologized recently?
Share why if you wish.
Asking — and answering — life's interesting questions
When we make a mistake or wrong someone, ideally we should apologize. Sometimes we don’t. Have you apologized recently?
Share why if you wish.
I apologized to my wife three days ago for something I misinterpreted. Since then I’ve been on a solitary, reflective vacation in Owatonna, Minnesota. This has, no doubt, kept apologies to her and others unnecessary in the time since.
I apologize to my wife daily. But most of those are perfunctory: “Oh, sorry I startled you!”
The last time I made an earnest apology, after realizing I had done something seriously wrong and needed to take responsibility for my mistake, was also with my wife. It happened one week ago. When that happens, I try to sit the other person down, and say directly to them, “I owe you an apology.” And then I explain why.
Since I spend more time with my wife than with anyone else, particularly since the pandemic started, most of the mistakes I make, and subsequently apologize for, involve her. I imagine it will be similar with others who are married.
If you want the last time I apologized to someone other than my wife, it probably happened on Facebook. I reacted badly to something, and wrote something inappropriate. In that case, I can’t sit the other person down, but I can apologize publicly and clearly, and I try my best to explain my behavior without making excuses. That was probably around a month or so ago.
What I find is that when you apologize, it quite often disarms the situation. It changes the entire dynamic of the conversation (assuming the apology is heartfelt, and not just a non-apology apology). I often come away from the experience thinking that I am closer to the person, even when it happens in an non-personal location like social media.
Whenever it does happen, I think to myself: “I need to do this more often.” We all should.
This morning I apologized to my daughter Bethany who is living with me in Illinois as she begins her doctorate in voice performance with University of Michigan. COVID means she has converted an upstairs room into her office/music studio. (Let the music BEGIN).
As I sometimes do, I morph from a mom of a 35 year old into the mom of the teenager, and give unsolicited and unwanted advice. I’m a work in progress.
As Lee notes, apologizing clears the air. It lets the other person (people) know that you realize your error and acknowledge it as such. I think, too, that it does help strengthen the bond between people as trust that was broken is patched up. Apologizing also helps to keep us humble, and I hope it allows us to more easily accept the apologies that come from others.