When a family member, friend, or colleague introduces me to someone, I often ask the person what many think is an awkward conversation starter. I ask, “Who are you?” I usually put an inflection on the word “are,” which apparently makes things even more strange. If it’s at a social gathering and they’ve come with their spouse, they may answer, “I am so-and-so’s partner.” Others assume I am asking about what they do for a living: “Oh, I’m so-and-so, and I work at such-and-such a place.”
Because they thought the question was odd, they usually ask, “Is that what you mean?” I reply that I had no preset notion about the appropriate answer. I just wanted to know how they identify themselves and what that means about their life.
I usually continue, “It could be, as you shared, how you are connected to the people here today. It could be about your job. It could be that you are a parent. Heck, it could be a unique hobby that you have. The person I am now with may perceive the question as really practical or, perhaps, existential. It could serve as, ‘What makes you tick?'”
Sometimes, their eyes light up with this clarification. One person recently told me, “As a hobby, I’m a woodworker. Mainly, I make cabinets.” This answer began a conversation I had never thought I’d be having. I know nothing about cabinet-making, so I had tons of questions.
So, now it’s your turn. Does your occupation mainly define your identity? Does family (including pets) come first? Do you aspire to be something you’re just now practicing–like, “I’m training for a marathon?” Do you have a proper work-life balance, so any take on the question is fair game? Or will the conversation become a chat about how you’re trying to work fewer hours so you can do something else that you feel needs your attention?
So, dear reader, who are you?
Related questions: What makes you you? What do you believe? How are you special? What makes a person interesting?