Death, and dealing with it, is a part of life. When someone you know and like dies, how do you remember them?
The death of a friend or loved one can be traumatic, particularly if that death is unexpected. During the grieving process, there are two primary ways to remember someone.
The first is to remember, or memorialize, soon after the death. Stories might be shared, tears might be shed, and grieving is done communally. In your experience, what are ways that you have publicly celebrated someone’s life?
The second method takes place months and even years after the passing. Remembering what someone was like, after years have gone by, can be difficult. There may be pictures or video to help jog your memory, but even those can be incomplete. And for some people in your life, you may not have any photos or other media saved.
In any case, what can you do to keep that person in your mind? How can you continue to be inspired by them, or be amused, or even just maintain a presence in your life? Is it important?
Related questions: Why are people afraid of death? Does your memory define you? What makes a friendship? Does it matter how long we are remembered?
I’m not dissing how other people grieve. I understand people deal with loss in different ways. The following is just what does and doesn’t work for me.
Some people find partial closure in funerals. I do not. Funerals freeze me. I don’t know what to say. Everything feels inappropriate to me. And the rituals seem impersonal to the one who has passed.
Soon after someone’s death, I prefer to grieve alone or in a one-on-one with a friend or family member. It feels more personal and a way to reflect on someone’s life and what they meant to me.
I need to admit, I’ve never been to a celebration of life. No matter the timing — soon after a death or weeks to months later — this seems like a better way for me to remember someone.
As for the long-term, I usually remember the good times I had with someone who has passed.