Category: Self

Who Are You?

When a family member, friend, or colleague introduces me to someone, I often ask the person what many think is an awkward conversation starter. I ask, “Who are you?” I usually put an inflection on the word “are,” which apparently makes things even more strange. If it’s at a social gathering and they’ve come with their spouse, they may answer, “I am so-and-so’s partner.” Others assume I am asking about what they do for a living: “Oh, I’m so-and-so, and I work at such-and-such a place.”

Because they thought the question was odd, they usually ask, “Is that what you mean?” I reply that I had no preset notion about the appropriate answer. I just wanted to know how they identify themselves and what that means about their life.

I usually continue, “It could be, as you shared, how you are connected to the people here today. It could be about your job. It could be that you are a parent. Heck, it could be a unique hobby that you have. The person I am now with may perceive the question as really practical or, perhaps, existential. It could serve as, ‘What makes you tick?'”

Sometimes, their eyes light up with this clarification. One person recently told me, “As a hobby, I’m a woodworker. Mainly, I make cabinets.” This answer began a conversation I had never thought I’d be having. I know nothing about cabinet-making, so I had tons of questions.

So, now it’s your turn. Does your occupation mainly define your identity? Does family (including pets) come first? Do you aspire to be something you’re just now practicing–like, “I’m training for a marathon?” Do you have a proper work-life balance, so any take on the question is fair game? Or will the conversation become a chat about how you’re trying to work fewer hours so you can do something else that you feel needs your attention?

So, dear reader, who are you?

Related questions: What makes you you? What do you believe? How are you special? What makes a person interesting?

Do You Have A Personal Philosophy?

Do you have a guiding principle in your life, one that helps you make the day-to-day decisions you are called upon to make? Do you have a personal philosophy?

Philosophy, for some, is an intimidating-sounding word. It might conjure images of long-dead, long-bearded, humorless men lecturing others on how to behave.

In reality, though, philosophy just means thinking about your life. If you have ever wondered about the world and your place in it, you have participated in philosophy.

It is one of the oldest areas of knowledge, which makes sense. What differentiates us from other animals is the size of our brain, and using that brain to ponder anything and everything comes naturally to us.

While there are numerous philosophy texts and classes, concentrating on great thinkers over the last two or three thousand years, it can be surprisingly relevant on a personal level. If you develop a set of personal guidelines, and individual mission statement, as it were, you are building a personal philosophy.

For example, one person might choose kindness a core belief. Be as kind as possible to everyone you meet, no matter their age, race, or religion. When faced with an unexpected or new situation, first think: “Can being kind help make this situation better?”

Alternately, someone might reason that the only person they are truly beholden to is themselves. Personal comfort, achievement, and happiness is what is most important. After all, you have just one life, and no one else lives it.

Admittedly, these examples are simplistic. As you live your complicated life, chances are there are a number of different guiding principles and motivations. Still, a personal philosophy is helpful to have, and useful to spell out in detail.

What guides you? What is your personal philosophy?

Related questions: What makes you you? How do we become our best self? Is there a principle according to which you try to live your life? What gives you purpose?

What Stories Are Most Important To You?

Throughout our lives, we are constantly surround by stories of one kind or another. Which ones matter most to you?

Stories come in many different kinds. Some are personal, some are entertainment, and some are societal.

For example of a personal story, we have the those we tell ourselves about ourselves. You might, for example, tell everyone, including yourself, that you are always on time. As a result, you become known as the punctual one of your group. Or you always have the latest gadget, or maybe the cleanest house.

Whatever you tell yourself (and carry through on) you can manifest and make real. You define yourself through the stories you tell about yourself.

We also have access to more entertainment options than ever before. From movies to TV shows, from video games to novels, from sports to social media, we have a never-ending stream of tales told by all kinds of people. They might shock you, make you laugh, tug at your heartstrings, or open your eyes to other points of view.

Finally, we come to societal stories. These are things we tell each other that help us function in tandem. We cooperate because we hear a story and believe it.

For example, why do you pay your taxes? Perhaps you believe the story that our pooled resources makes our community stronger and benefits everyone. Or maybe you just believe the story that you will face a penalty if you don’t.

There are many stories, in all aspects of your life. Which ones mean the most to you? Are there some you never question? Might there be a benefit, or a penalty, to doing so?

Related questions: What are the benefits of fiction? Where do shared ideas exist? What makes a community? What makes you you?

How Do You Sabotage Yourself?

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy. In what ways do you sabotage yourself, which can lead to failure and frustration?

Share why if you wish.

How Do You Describe What You Do?

Whether it is your career, your hobbies, or your private life, how you describe yourself can alter how the world sees you. What is your description?

Describing what you do, while important, can be very difficult. While it is true that what you choose to spend your time and focus on helps define you as a human being, an accurate description isn’t easy.

In fact, the manner and vocabulary you use to talk about what you do has many risks. You might bore someone else if you choose to talk about it in a clinical way. It is possible you could alienate someone who doesn’t share a common frame of reference. You might even offend someone.

And yet, sharing who you are and what you do with others is the essence of being in a community. If you have an interest in and a passion for what you do, you can convey that to someone else. And in turn, they may convey the same thing to you, if you are lucky.

How do you describe what you do? Have you given advance thought to what you might say to someone else? And do you listen when others describe what they do?

Related questions: Would you be friends with yourself? How would you describe yourself in ten words or less? How do you judge yourself? What makes a community?