Category: Loss

What Is The Relationship Between Fear And Passion?

Passion and fear are both emotions that you are bound to experience over time. Are they linked in some way?

On the surface, there wouldn’t seem to be much in common between the emotion of passion and that of fear. One would seem to be positive, and bring about joy and interest. The other is more negative.

However, once you are passionate about something, you might very well fear it’s loss.

Imagine something, if you will, about which you are passionate. Maybe your family or friends. A sports team, perhaps, or a career.

Now think about a threat it might be taken away from you. What might you do to prevent that? What lengths might you go to keep the thing that you love, that brings meaning to your life?

The person who doesn’t care about anything doesn’t fear losing anything. They don’t, however, experience the same joy and happiness that the rest of us do.

Passion can generate fear in another way, as well. Think about  a performer getting up at an open mic, or an author with a new book, or an athlete in a championship game. They care deeply about what they are doing, but are scared about presenting to the public, and how their work will be received. They fear messing up, of failing in front of everyone. Yet that fear can also drive them.

So how are the fear and passion related? And how does the experience of one inform the other? How can we prepare for them both, in a way that is productive and healthy?

Related questions: What are you passionate about? What role does fear play in your life? What is the right amount of emotion?

How Have You Experienced Collective Grief?

If you experience a loss that is shared by a large group, you might well experience collective grief. What are some examples?

Shared loss can come in many different forms. One of the most common is when a well known figure dies. The death of an accomplished actor, an influential musician, or sports idol can be very powerful, and affect a large group of people.

When Prince died, for example, people gathered outside his Minnesota home to pay their respects. Sales of his albums spiked, and many fans wore his signature color purple in his honor.

Another example is some sort of large-scale tragedy. Individuals tell stories of where they were and what they were doing on September 11, 2001. Shocking events, like the assassination of JFK, the attack on Pearl Harbor, or the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger were all notable and seared into public consciousness.

There have been several of these events over the last decade or so. In one year alone, we had the public shutdown from COVID-19 in March 2020, followed by the marches after the murder of George Floyd later that summer, to the attack on the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021. Each event, in it’s own way, was cause for grief and sorrow.

Are there events, these or others, that led to a large outpouring of emotion for you and people around you? Have you experienced a neighborhood trying to find a way to make sense of tragedy, as frustration and grief and anger all go through individuals and groups? What has brought solace to you, as well as to friends and neighbors in your community?

Related questions: How can we turn sadness into constructive action? How do you maintain hope? With which groups do you identify? Are we living through history?

How Much Risk Makes You Uncomfortable?

Over the course of a lifetime, we all encounter extreme levels of risk at some point. What level of risk makes you uncomfortable?

Risk is all around us.

Sometimes, it is physical. Perhaps you enjoy the high speeds and twisty turns of a roller coaster. Or maybe jumping out of an airplane is on your bucket list.

Another kind of risk is financial. Taking on a large debt, like a mortgage or a student loan, can be daunting. Putting your money in the stock market, where you might lose it, may seem dangerous to some.

There are also other, more abstract, kinds of risk. Asking out someone, with the possibility of being rejected. Leaving a job where you are comfortable for one that might be worse.

Apart from these riskier behaviors, we also do small things are potentially bad or dangerous. However, the downside may be so small, we might not even realize the potential harm.

For example, think about eating some tasty, but unhealthy (or fattening) food. Too much of that can put you at risk for heart disease, not to mention obesity and the many health problems that come with it.

Or maybe you buy the occasional lottery ticket. A few bucks, even if you are unlikely to win, might seem like a gamble you are willing to take for the possibility of a big payout.

Most people probably find a threshold of risk somewhere between these extremes. Not everyone is comfortable with, say, rock climbing. But most people are willing to climb over a few boulders when out for a hike.

What do you find an acceptable level of risk? Has it changed over time, and if so, how? Is your comfort level different for you than it is for a loved one, like a child or an aging parent? Have you forced yourself to take risks that you weren’t comfortable with, because of a potential reward?

Related questions: How do you evaluate risk? When did you last push the boundaries of your comfort zone? What is uncomfortable but rewarding? What is the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?

Do You Replace What You Have Lost?

We all have experience with loss.  When you have lost something — a pet, a loved one, a friendship — do you attempt to replace it?

In one sense, life is just an accumulation of various kinds of loss. Over the course of your life span, you will, at one point or another, lose just about everything, from your car keys, to your innocence, to your parents.

Since we all have experience with loss, we also can learn to deal with it. Some losses are more impactful than others, while some are downright trivial.

Replacement is obvious in some cases. Of course you replace your credit cards if you lose your wallet. Of course you send out your resume if you lose your job.

However, in some cases, particularly if the losses are emotional and not physical, it is not so clear. If you are emotionally devastated at the loss of a beloved pet, do you get another one? Or is the emotional wound so raw that you cannot risk getting hurt again?

Similarly, as friendships come to an end, it may not be clear that you will make new friends. For most people, making new friends gets more rare the older you get. Is that because you get pickier when choosing who to spend your time with? Or is it something else?

Generally, how do you deal with loss? Is your instinct to try and replace the thing that is lost? Or do you try to forget about it, and concentrate on other areas of your life?

Related questions: What would you do if you lost part of yourself? How do you deal with loss? What can you learn from loss? What do you miss? Who do you miss?

What Can You Learn From Loss?

We all have loss in our lives. While we can’t control that loss, we can control how we react to it. We can learn from loss.

It is important to learn from our experiences throughout our lives. After all, the only way to grow and improve, is to learn from what happens to you. While it is possible to learn from your successes and from your wins, the opportunity for self-improvement is much greater from your failures and from your losses.

When you lose someone close to you, or someone who meant a lot to you, the initial inclination is to be sad. That makes sense. The person is no longer around to make you laugh. Or to inspire you. Or simply to sit and talk with.

However, there is a better way to honor their memory. When the person was alive, you learned from them. If you make a list — an actual, enumerated list of the lessons you learned from talking with, listening to, or watching them, it will help you feel gratitude that they were in your life.

That’s one type of learning. In addition, dealing with loss can help you learn about yourself. How do you react to sadness? How do you process grief? How do you commiserate with others?

Loss is a great time for introspection. What can you learn from loss?

Related questions: How do you deal with loss? When is is useful to fail? Why are people afraid of death?